HF-06 Funnymoon Blues [The Crusade Hares]

[Lord Pouchlaw]

The Were-Rabbit Lord lead singer, Lapine Crusade, showed up in Vincent's office with a bit of a smile on his muzzle. "Vincent... I wanted to give you fair warning for the upcoming howl. Tony is clueless about our band for a change. We put on an act when we arrived to pull off the ultimate April Fools prank on the were-jackal. He thinks we are a Christian Rock band, but in truth... we are one of the mid-east's foremost Acid Rock bands. I convinced Tony to wear a minister's outfit and speak reverently at the door or we'd walk. So don't be put off by our band name or my last name. The only Crusades we preach about is what teenagers want to hear and chant about. The Christian part is only to fool your resident prankster."

~~~~~

Todd grinned at the two donkeys. "Lampwick controlled himself long enough to make me go shower and then leave. Otherwise, he might have joined me in the shower."

Bray giggled. "The last time I ever saw Lampwick showering, he was getting ready for a black tie dinner."

[Darquirrin]

Vincent was standing at the window, looking out across the estate grounds. He is in his anthro form and, as usual, naked save for his usual tribal attire but the lines of tension and stress are written in the knotted muscles across his figure and the tenseness with which he held himself. He states, quietly, to the rabbit, "Ten centuries ago, Pope Urban the second proclaimed the first crusade, with the stated goal of restoring Christian access to the holy places in and near Jerusalem. Following that, there were two hundred years of war. The crusades lead into the Inquisition. The darkest of times for many were-kin and 'special' creatures as the humans fought to rid themselves of our influence. My family suffered grievously. For nearly four hundred years the leonine clans of Africa struggled against the invasions. There is a saying in the old country. To marry a lion. In the ancient times it was a thing of honour. Now, it is used as derogatory term. And the Russians of my linage. The Alexandros family name. Ravaged by pointless wars in the name of a God who was deaf to the pleas of the righteous."

Vincent glances back at Lapine, "Forgive me, sir, if I find references to the Christian faith to be somewhat... distasteful. But I do not run the Howl and there are many that will greatly approve of your prank. That is not my concern." He looks back out the window, "My concerns are my pride, this valley and it's inhabitants." He smirks ruefully, "Though perhaps soon my only concern will be my pride."

~~~~~

Fred smirks, "The only time I saw him showering is when he was using that as an excuse for someone to drop soap."

[Lord Pouchlaw]

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," stated Lapine. "I'm not a confessional, nor am I a saint. But... the tone of your words imply that you feel both hurt and betrayed. But it is not my place to help you with a family problem. I have family problems of my own. My dad thinks I _AM_ a minister with a church. He believes that my band is led by a rabbit who simply looks like me. So I have enough issues to deal with myself. My father hates my choice of music. You certainly wouldn't like him."

He started to leave at that point. "But if you do want to talk later... come on by the tour bus. I tend to sleep there since I find buildings uncomfortable to rest within."

~~~~~

Todd grinned with a naughty thought. "Next time I should take a bar of soap to his office and drop it in front of him to see what he says."

Bray started laughing as he fell over on the ground.


After a thorough shower in the scent removal soap and oil as suggested by Fred and Bray, Todd stepped out of the shower and began drying himself off with a large body towel that was handed to him by another donkey boy who happened to be in the cleansing area at the same time. As he finished drying his hair, Todd noticed the donk leaning up against the sinks watching him with a dreamy look in his eyes.

"See something nice, handsome?" Todd asked as he proceeded to dry the rest of his body, not noticing that the donkey scent was only weaker now and not fully removed.

[Darquirrin]

Vincent just chuckles slightly though with a slightly hard edge to it, "No, that is quite alright. I did not state you were a saint nor is this any confessional. Simply wished for you to understand this lion's opinion on the matter. But it's hardly... my opinion that counts these days." He turns back to the window, "Thank you for the offer. If there is anything you require, do let me know."

~~~~~

The donk smirks, "From the way you show off, I'd say you already knew what I was looking at."

~~~~~

A younger specimen of the leonine boys of the pride approaches Storm in private, holding up a large yellow package, "Storm? Lord Vincent asked me to deliver this to you."

[Lord Pouchlaw]

Storm nodded his head and took the package before sitting down in a corner and opening it to see what Lord Vincent was sending to him.

~~~~~

Todd placed the towel aside as he came over to the donk and slowly hugged him and gave him a kiss on the mouth. "Perhaps you are right. I'm just a helpful and nice guy. I assume you or some of the other donks need my help with something again?" He rubbed one hand over the donkey's rump slowly. "I'm game for more donkey stuff."

[Darquirrin]

Inside the envelope was a thick stack of papers topped off with a note.

'Storm,

My father once said, 'A king is only a king so long as he has the respect of those he rules. If you lose that, you are not a king but a tyrant.' I do not wish burden my father's legacy with such a moniker. Therefore, as you and the others seem to think that my opinions are wrong on how things should be run here, I am stepping down. All that I own, save the family estate itself, it's provincial grounds and the Alexandros crypts now belong to you. That is the entire Valley, it's subsidiaries, the various utilities, and so forth.I will, respectfully, be sending all of the stationed spirits and enchantments back to their proper realms. This also means, that while you are always welcome in my home and my pride, you are no longer a thrall nor do you owe me anything. I have always considered you like a son or brother. I hope you enjoy your inheritance. You think you can do it better, well here's your chance, Lord Storm.

Lord Vincent Alexandros

PS I left a parts list for the back ordered components at your garage and the books are current.'

~~~~~

The donk smirks and slaps the hand with his tuffed tail lightly, "As fun as that would be... that would defeat the purpose of your bathing and getting ready, would it not? I'm a Captian, stud. Which is lucky for you otherwise you might have had to speak to Lampwick again... In donkey."

[Lord Pouchlaw]

Moments after reading the letter, Storm (now the Werelion Lord of the Valley) is off in his nephew's apartment home in a lone back corner sobbing. This isn't what he was expecting nor how he wanted to live his life. Running the cycle shop would fail since the other thralls there were Vincent's and they probably wouldn't want to work for him since they weren't his thralls.

Axel sat with him and comforted his sobbing furry uncle in his arms. He had never seen his uncle so distraught before.

~~~~~

Todd smiles with a tilt of his head. "Lord Lampwick is getting Vally at the moment. The mage mouse showed up just as Lampwick was having me go take my first shower. This second shower isn't because I was dirty, Captain... it is because Bray and Fred suggested I try this scent removal soap, only..." He sniffed himself. "...it doesn't seem to be working. Anyway, since you aren't game for donkey fun, you must have a job you need help with. Well, I'm willing to lend a hand, exactly as I promised Lampwick I would anytime you donks needed me. So what's the job, Captain?"

[Darquirrin]

The Captian chuckles, "Well, since you bring it up and all... There's some mechanics we need help with." He holds up a hand, "Thick fingers are nice for strokin' but not so nice when tryin' to fit into small tight spaces. The deviferret who usually works on it, isn't around today. So we need someone with small enough and dexterous enough fingers."

[Lord Pouchlaw]

Todd nods his head while still having with one arm around the donkey Captain. "Then let's get to it. I am always happy to help you guys with whatever needs done. And it is always a pleasure to help nice donks who ask nicely." He gives the Captain another kiss before going over to the bench to bend over to pick up his tool belt to strap it around his naked waist. "As for my showing off, I only show what I have learned that you donks like to see."

[Darquirrin]

The captain chuckles with a soft bray, "Fair enough." He showed Todd to the problem area and started telling what they needed for him to do. It was kinda kinky since he had to get very lubed up to slip into the area where he had work at.

[Lord Pouchlaw]

Coated in slick donkey lube oils from head to foot, Todd worked on the problem area for about two hours before he was finally able to successfully complete the task at hand. Although his butt often felt as if he had a donkey shaft hilted within it, it didn't seem to hurt as much as it did to squeeze into the space where he had to fix the problem. But once he was done, he slowly began to squeeze out of the close area and into the midst of several donkeys and donkey boys who were now in the area he was emerging into.

"I wonder what's going on..." muttered Todd as he looked at the crowd. "None of these guys look like officers." He carefully tapped a PP donkey on the front leg and asked, "What's everyone gathered here for?"

[Darquirrin]

The donkey looked back at the one tapping and replied, "Contest. One of the Captains and a Lieutenant got in a scuffle. They're solving it ..." He smirks, "In a traditional PI way."

[Lord Pouchlaw]

A special meeting within the Howling Fury...

Lord Storm showed the inheritance letter to Sept Leader Tony, White Magician Alicia, Cypher, Josey, Todd, Bray, Rider, Rodeo, Kip, the two young G-Men, General Voidstrike and Thane Tanner, Rabbit Lord Jason, Dreamtime Lord Nick Ruguy, Maximilian Fox, the dragon lords, Faction Leader Ravengaunt and the Golden Yak as well as a few gods. Axel was stationed to one side of his uncle supporting his distraught nature.

"As you can read for yourself, I am lorded and no longer a thrall without ceremony. Leo got a full blown ceremony despite the shit he did to not only me but many many others. Since Vincent released me and gave me the valley, I want to request that the Howling Fury and the Sept Grounds be moved to a more neutral location since I am now in charge of the land in the local area. Vincent hated the idea of the Sept grounds being on his property. Even he thought Talon was being a douche in the old days before the Howling Fury got started. Vincent is convinced in his head that I for some reason know more than he does. Therefore, as a landed lord, I want to remove all blights from the Alexanderos Valley and move them to a more neutral locale further away from his land. Short cuts to his property will be removed since he feels that we are not to be trusted. That means, Tony, you don't have to share profits with him anymore. As for the warehouse that makes for the Howling Fury. The Golden Yak and several gods can create a new building at the new location perhaps created and secured even better than before. If I sound upset and distraught over this, make no mistake... I am upset and distraught. This is like being disowned and kicked out. The bike shop will fail under my leadership; all of the workers are Vincent's thralls; none of them will want to work for me since I am not their father lord. The only thing I actually own in the valley is the radio station. So when we move, that comes with us. There is no way in Hell I want to run and control Vincent's ancestral valley. Also, since he gave me the valley as an inheritance, the patrols for the valley are also null and voided until a new contract can be created. I actually liked the canine patrols around the protected zone. There is a neutral zone with an existing paved road leading into it that has good hunting grounds as well as a nearby town. It is known as New Salem located just West of the Quabbin Reservoir. Yes, it is in Massachusetts. The valley over Blueberry Hill is an ideal locale for the new Howling Fury. Lord Arden as well as Alpha Timefrost and Lt. Falconpaw are already planning a multi-business called Ace Ventures within that region. They have asked us if we would consider moving the new Howling Fury within their already purchased zone. The Earth gods can move the Sept Grounds to the wilds near the new business wilderness. Any farmers wishing to relocate could join us at the new location with the help of the gods. Although I suspect that many will not want to make the move since they are loyal to Vincent. Once the Howl and Sept Grounds are no longer within Roarin' Rhoades, traffic and commerce will surely flounder back to how it was before Vincent had to put up with the rest of the bullshit."

Bray then spoke up. "Since that is the plan, I must go with you Storm. Buck Run Plaza will surely dwindle and fail without the Howling Fury and the AM radio station to support it. And even though Vincent was nothing but kind to me when I was human and clueless, It was you and Maximilian who helped me to get hired by Vincent in Roarin' Rhoades. If Max hadn't experimented on me that one time, I wouldn't still be upset with him now."

Tony finished reading the letter to himself. "I can contact Gaea and request a Sept protection writ for getting the Sept Grounds moved to the new location. As Talon found out, I know more about Sept business than he suspected that I did. Previous experience in speaking to Sept Priests in Egypt certainly helped. The only absolute rule for Sept grounds is that the blessed stones be able to view the moon when possible. There is no rule preventing one of the Yak's environment domes to shield the Sept Grounds during the depths of Winter. That sitting in the snow naked bull crap is the pits."

Alicia said, "Vincent's current actions are mainly my fault. I was looking forward to a real honeymoon and he was calling home nearly every hour on the hour when he had access to a phone. If I hadn't overheard him muttering that he wanted to catch all of you needing help when we were returning home, I wouldn't have sent a warning message back to the valley. Talon didn't have to tap the phone lines and video tape you guys running around at the end to set things right. As many of you likely forget, I have a familiar cat whom I left home to keep an eye on you guys. Miss Mowsa kept quiet and no one thought to speak to her the whole time we were gone."

Tony then perked up. "Back up a moment, Alicia... say that last part about Talon one more time."

Alicia thought back on what she just said and repeated... "Talon didn't have to tap the phone lines and video tape you guys running around at the end to set things right."

Tony growled. "Talon owns a Camcorder, guys! Who all recalls the uploaded video recording that Josey got accused and punished for during the first howl; The band was the 13th Hour. We all agreed that Josey would not have been so sloppy in making a recording like that. But a newbie would be. A NOOB like Talon."

Alicia then said, "He told Vincent that he bought a floundering newspaper business and got it running properly with some nice boys' assistance during the last four months before the honeymoon. Remember that Talon never came to the wedding. But someone told him that we were about to leave on our honeymoon and he sneaks back into the valley to spy on you all. He even handed over a video tape to Vincent at the end of his I have won rant."
.

"To Be Continued in Falconsong..."