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  • [CAMP-10] CI: CHSN-01 Humble Hares

    Celestial Infinity - Captain Hare, Stibun Nousagi

    After a successful beginning for the Western champions known as the Terryville All-Stars, The Great Catatonic plans a scripted re-imagining of the famed team locally in Animated Japan. The casting calls bring out the best of the worst as well as the most pompous; completely opposite from the vision that the Catatonic has in mind. Enter one humble rice farmer's Lapine son and the adventure that awaits him as Animated Japan's newest hero.

    [CAMP-10] CI: CHSN-01 Humble Hares
    By Darrel Vanwinkle (Lord Pouchlaw)
    12/01/2019

    Chapter One.


    Cat Ninden Studios, Animated Japan; Animated Retirement Community

    Translated loosely from the Japanese...

    "Your greatness! The latest batch of acting hares have arrived for your approval or disapproval!"

    The Great Catatonic glanced at the gathered nobleman styled clean hares and rolled his eyes toward the sky. "Are you sure the word was sent out to every hare in Japan? I don't want a hare that looks like he stepped out a beauty salon! Where are all the farming hares?"

    "Some of our dedicated agents haven't reported back yet, great one. Word is that one of our agents went to visit the rice farms belonging to one of our war generals."

    Rice Farms of Shogun War General Nousagi Ichirou of the Tora Kouman Army

    Honorable Nousagi Stiban was of average height with an athletic build and had green eyes as well as short strawberry-blond fur all over his body. He was fond of wearing a red hachimaki (helmet-scarf) as well as a white gi and a blue kimono. Currently, he was working one of the rice fields nearest to the road on this fine day when the agent from the big city arrived at the entrance gate to the farm itself. Unlike the nobleman hares that the Catatonic had mentioned earlier, Stiban was a filthy mess from his working directly in the rice patties and he had the smell to indicate that this was what he had been doing as well. His good clothes were laid out at his mother's shrine.

    That was when one of the Catatonic's agents, a male Tanuki arrived at the gate entry of the rice farm. "Pardon me, young hare. Do you live here?"

    Stibun bowed modestly. "Indeed, good sir. Have you come to speak with my mother the shrine priestess? My father is off with the army although I am not sure as to their whereabouts in the world."

    The Tanuki smiled. "You have manners, good hare. The Great Catatonic has requested that all able bodied teen age male hares come to the filming sets to audition for a most honorable role in a new Television series. He asked me to bring hares as I found them. Meaning, exactly as you are right now."

    Stibun arched an eye ridge as he commented, "Surely he doesn't want to have my filthiness and foul rice patty odor within his glorious presence, does he?"

    The Tanuki shrugged his shoulders. "He said to bring the hares to him exactly as I found them. Will you come with me?"

    Stibun commented further. "This is my day to work these fields. But if my mother will give me leave to attend to the Catatonic's requested audience, then I will come with you."

    The Tanuki pulled the string on the bell next to the gate and soon, the hare shrine priestess arrived at the gate to speak to the honored gentleman. The message was the same as before. For this first summons, the male hare had to come exactly as he appeared and smelled. The priestess looked to her son and spoke quietly to him before turning back to the Tanuki and stating, "Stibun Nousagi is yours to take to the Catatonic. But if any harm comes to my son, my husband will have words with the Lord of the Hill."

    And that was that. Unwashed and smelling as one whom had rolled in the rice fields, Stibun traveled with the Tanuki agent back toward the honored studios.

    Cat Ninden Studios, Animated Japan

    Soon, the agent and the hare arrived at the gates of the studios where the feline guards on duty wrinkled their noses as one said, "What is that horrible odor, casting agent?"

    The Tanuki agent replied, "I have brought a farm hare as-is according to the Catatonic's instructions. May we pass or do you wish to explain to the Catatonic on why his orders are being denied?"

    After that, they were permitted through the gate and up the hill toward the audition stage where upon the Catatonic impatiently awaited the arrival of a farm hare. As the two closed the distance gap toward the stage, the other hare actors whom were as clean as clean could be caught their first sniff of Stibun's body odor. Most coughed and turned their heads away. Those with stronger constitutions saw what the agent was bringing into the Catatonic's presence. The male hare looked absolutely filthy and smelled worse that an out building's bottom. The Tanuki agent saluted the Catatonic and spoke, "Sire, a farming hare from the Rice Farms of Shogun War General Ichirou of the Tora Kouman Army. As you requested." The Tanuki stepped back away from the stage and as he stepped passed Stibun, he whispered, "Do as he asks and perform as if your father has commanded it."

    The Catatonic smiled. "Finally, a real hare. Step up on stage and state your full name and then read the cue card exactly as the words instruct. This will be your screen test."

    Stibun approached the stage and stepped up into view before looking the Catatonic in the eye and saying, "I am Nousagi Stibun." And then he turned to face the cue card, "Vile fiends! a grave error you have made this day for you have crossed swords with the..." he paused as he saw what he felt were inappropriate words on the cue card. "...you have crossed swords with the..." He stopped again as he turned to look at the Catatonic. "Please forgive me, sire, but the words on the cue card seem inappropriate for a gentleman of any hare's upbringing to say. Please do not make me dishonor my mother." The other hare actors smirked and giggled at the obvious country bumpkin whom couldn't even obey direction from a superior. One said, "Do you see now, Great Catatonic; an unlearned farmer will never fit into this role. A pity he has shamed his ancestors for refusing to obey your command. A cur like him shouldn't even have been brought into the city. He should be thrown back into his filthy rice fields." Upon hearing these words, Stibun sniffled and backed off of the stage before he took off at a run to escape from the filming studios. He felt as if his very upbringing had been sullied.

    End of Chapter One.
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